Updates

Salam.

I'm back, alhamdulillah finally fully recovered from the sickness. Feeling much better and healthy now, except for the nausea. Well, can't do much about that anyway.

Hubby still in USM penang, struggling with exams, labs and lectures. I hope he's doing ok. My cheeky Naufal on the other hand is now very2 manja with me. God knows how many times a day he kisses my cheek and hugging me like crazy. So it's kinda hard to send him to school every morning. First question in the morning is - Mommy, am I going to school today? If I answered "No" then he will be like the happiest kid in the world and said " yey, I'm very2 happy.. Yuhuuu" and I was like??

How I wish so hard that I can homeschool him. But I can't. Due to lots of commitment I can't afford to stay at home and let my husband work alone. I love to let him explore the nature, be wild and adventures, bringing him to the playground, island and beaches but can't do that so much now. I'm now very hygiene freak, coz his new school don't allow sick child going to school until FULLY recovered. OK, thats HARD. The weather now is extremely freaking hot, it's windy and with that, it is so easy for a kid to get any kind of virus or fever. I was lucky that when Naufal was so sick the other day my husband is around otherwise there goes my annual leave. Nowadays rotavirus and h1n1 are spreading again, hence I don't wanna take any risk. Pity him, kena stay at home je, the most pun play bicycle. Swimming is also no-no at the moment, better be safe than sorry later.

So, it does break my heart that he can't do a lot of things during school term. I know this wont happen if I'm able to homeschool him and be a full time housewife. That's why now I'm planning for holiday and getaways during school holidays. Time tu nak demam ke batuk ke layan je la. Alhamdulillah he's the type yg seldom get sick, the last time he got flu n fever I pun x igt it could be in October or September even though he was at nursery during that time. I'm so glad and happy with his nursery, it's the best in KK I can say compared to the other places that we went. At least it's clean, so susahlah budak nak dpt virus and they are also quite strict, kalau demam or selsema x boleh hantar. Alhamdulillah, although a bit expensive but worth it la..

Oklah, better get some sleep now. This boy needs my arm now.

Good night!

Xoxo.

Mixed Update

Salam,

I miss blogging so much. I've been so busy lately and extremely tired almost everyday after coming back from work. Too many issues going on and a lot of things need to be completed before the year ends. In fact I am now going back and forth KK-Labuan to complete my project and its very tiring.

Anyways, glad that I'm now in Labuan, at least I can take a breath for a while. I did not spent most of the time at site, as there is nothing much to supervise, there's no place to sit either so I had to stand all day long. The site is located in a village, but very near to the bushes area and quite swampy. So, I only spent half day there and continue doing my job in the hotel. *shhh* dont tell my boss k. :p

My site area

Well, I had my birthday celebration last week, in the hotel in Labuan with Hubby & Naufal. I was upgraded to the Premier Suite room, hence, there is no better place other than the room itself to celebrate. Naufal was pretty excited when he saw daddy brought back a cake with the candles already lighted on, so he started singing Happy Birthday song to mommy. Hehe. TQ so much to my amazing superhubby, I love you everyday and twice on Sunday!!

Skema tul Hubby suh letak full name.. haha

Its always your birthday darling! 

Apart from that, Naufal's violin class has been going on quite well, which I personally think that at the end of the day I will also be able to play violin! haha. Coz during the class Naufal was quite reluctant to learn from the teacher, so she taught me hoping that I will teach Naufal at home. So can you imagine how busy mommy is now?? At least 3x a week after work I will teach Naufal to play violin, the rythm and so on.

Practicing violin @ home

 On top of that, the mengaji class also going on so well, alhamdulillah. Naufal now is quite comfortable and mesra with the Ustad already thus it makes it easier for Ustad to teach him alone, without having us around. So, to make sure he does not forget, everyday I will try to invite him to recite Iqra together, I didnt force him, he will come to me when he saw me tgh mengaji so he insisted me to teach him too. Alhamdulillah.

Naufal tgh mengaji while we were hiding behind the curtain.. hehe

On the other side, deep in my heart, I really missed getting pregnant. I can't deny this, especially when there's a lot of pregnant colleagues at work, with one of them having the same due date as mine as I mentioned in the previous post long ago. So, how could I not feel sad and heartbroken to see their happy faces (the pregnant glowing faces), but at the same time feeling happy for them and praying for their safe delivery.

Me, pregnant with Naufal 3 yrs back

I know, Allah is testing us now, but I'm trying my very best to be strong to go through this. People may say that I'm tough, but the fact is I'm not that tough anymore. *ok there goes my tears while writing this* Oklah, tabahlah wahai hati. What more can I say? My good friend posted this in fb and its very much related to me too.

"...dan boleh jadi kamu benci kepada sesuatu padahal ia baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi kamu suka kepada sesuatu padahal ia buruk bagi kamu. Dan (ingatlah), Allah jualah Yang mengetahui (semuanya itu), sedang kamu tidak mengetahuinya." Al-Baqara:216

Nuff said, its getting emotional. I better stop here. Seriously need a break or vacation to heal this. *always find reasons to go vacation laa kan.. hehe*

Happy faces when having them around..

Have a great day ahead people. Amin.

Babies

Salam.

This month seems like a babies month coz many of my close friends having their newborn or just got pregnant. So yes, it did remind me to my unborn babies.

Ok, I know, what past is past but it is easier said than done. I am still struggling my best to mend the broken heart and spirit. I seldom in the office, always find ways to be out of the office coz I just can't. People may say I looked strong, but deep inside only Allah knows and I doubt that Hubby also knew that I nangis everytime after prayers when he is not around for 2 weeks.

What makes it harder is one of my colleague in the office (one of among the closest one) is pregnant has the same due date as mine. When we first told each other bout the due date, dua2 menjerit coz x sangka sama date! And excited jugak. But then, Allah penentu segala.

So, I sometimes trying to avoid bumped into her coz I knew I won't be any good in pretending that I'm ok about the lost. Oh, Don't get me wrong, I always doakan the best for my pregnant friends, hoping that they will not have to go through what I had been.

Ok, I really need to stop here. Oh, don't worry, I think I wrote this because of the PMS.

Bye.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:KL

The 2nd lost

Salam.

(This entry was written last night, but continued to this morning..)

At 10 weeks 7 days, Allah took away our little precious. As 2 weeks ago during check up it was all fine and healthy, this is quite a shocked for us.

I don't know where to begin coz I'm feeling very lost now. Never cross my mind, to experience the lost for the 2nd time within 6 months. It felt like yesterday when I had my miscarriage, got pregnant n losing it, again.

It all started yesterday during the routine check up. My gynae suggested us to have check up every 2 weeks as I had past history of miscarriage. 2 weeks ago, everything was fine, we also heard the baby's heart beat. But yesterday, something doesn't look good, when Dr scan there was blood outside of the amniotic sac. So he further scanned and couldn't detect a heart beat or pulse. He started asking question whether i had any bleeding or cramping or pain and i said no, I'm feeling ok.The moment he said something is not right, it blown away my mind and my gut feeling is telling me it's gonna happen again. I prayed hard, deep inside hoping that Allah, the only one that can fix whatever is wrong with the baby.

Dr didn't say much, he suggested to go for a blood test and come again the next morning. I thought that was the right thing to do, as I wasn't really listening the moment he gave that look to me when he did the scanning. Hubby's face looked so lost and I knew he was having the same thought and feeling as I was.

So the moment we went out from the room, there went ALL my tears. I was hugging Hubby, I couldn't take it. In the car it was getting worst and I cried out loud. My dear Hubby was holding it back, but I saw tears was also coming out while he was driving and I was still in tears. I kept asking him why? Why? And why? I know I was being irrational. Called mom & Abah, I couldn't say hello and my mom already knew what's happening.

Back home, after having some thought and also googling, we decided to go for 2nd opinion. So the other gynae specialist also said the same thing, there's no heart beat, the baby has gone since a week or maybe 3-5 days ago.

Then, I have started accepting the fate and telling myself, maybe Allah is testing us again. I was praying and humbly seek forgiveness from Allah, if this baby is not meant to be with us, please show us the right path and decision and take away the baby from us, by all means. If its a rezeki and Amanah that Allah dah takdirkan utk kami, peliharalah anak kami dan permudahkan segalanya.

So, this morning we went to see Dr again and he did internal check up and still, there was not heart beat. We actually had a ticket to go back KL and go for holiday in PD. Dr said, he won't allow me to travel if I still decided to keep the baby or let it our naturally. Honestly, he was saying that, a miracle is not going to happen, as the baby had died few days or maybe a week ago. The reason was because the umbilical cord had separated so that explained why as baby couldn't get any oxygen or supply.

Dr let us to decide and hubby said let's just proceed with D&C and I couldn't agree more and Dr said it was a wise decision. So I will be able to recover and travel back to KL. If its wasn't for Naufal, Hubby would prefer to stay and rest in KK. But few days ago we keep telling him that he's gonna see his cousins and we'll go for holiday at the beach and going to zoo. So Naufal was all excited and pity him, if we cancel the trip. Let me sacrificed the pain, for him.

There goes my story. When things like this happen, it makes me even stronger and have faith and believed in Allah's plan. Hubby keep saying that he doesn't want me to pregnant again, coz he couldn't bear to see the pain that I've been through. So this is considered my 4th surgery (ovarian cysts in UK, caesar, twice of D&C).

You know, I was informed by HR that they will bring up my name for promotion in May and now Allah tarik balik rezeki anak. Redha dgn ujian Allah, tanda Allah sayang pada kita. I know, people have experienced worst than mine, which makes me think, mine is not as bad as others. I came across one article which very much related and I think semua org pun boleh benefit from this.

http://www.life-verses.protajdid.com/?p=458

Oklah, I'll continue in the next post, with some pics. Alhamdulillah, kitaorg dah kebumikan janin kt belakang rumah td. :(

Tq hubby for the unconditional support and also everyone for your prayers.

Al-Fatihah to our little fetus.

Amin.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:KK

Parenting

Salam,

I am now on my way to KL, leaving my two significant other half behind. Sob sob. This wshop better be a good one.

Anyway, yesterday we went out to the shopping mall for Ilham's usual routine @ Toys'rus. Hehe. But I also ended up buying new stuff for him - a crayola crayon, colouring book, paint set and an educational toy (wooden pieces with different shapes which he has to sort out accordingly)

I know. I've been buying too much toys n stuff for him. But I just couldn't help it, every parents wanted the best for their child, right? Maybe I should consider opening a pre-school for toddlers. Haha. Then, we went to Times bookstore, well, it's a must and we try not to miss it. I didn't planned to buy any book for myself until I saw this:-







So I immediately grabbed the book and glanced through the content and I was like - Oh, this is so gonna be perfect book for parenting! All this while I was just reading through Internet, which is not that much and quite hassle as you need few webpages to refer to different2 guide/reference. However, there is a setback of this book, it's toooo informative that the fonts are too small, for me.



I also got another version of this book for the pregnancy, so that was one of the reason why I knew beforehand that this is a perfect book that I've been looking for. Sadly in KK there's no Kinokuniya or Borders (when I'm in KL I don't go to bookshops but to Isetan, M&S, etc.. Hehe)

I've started reading the book since last night and I've realized that there were many things that I didn't do right as parent.*sigh* But there were also things that I am proud of myself, smiling while reading the book. Hehe. Being a parent is not easy, eh? Especially when you are working and get stressed out at work and sometimes tend to pass it to your child. *bad..bad* Even worst, as a single parent. It takes a lot of sacrifice, patience & courage. Alhamdulillah, so far I managed to go through few occasions when Ilham is grumpy or showing tantrum when Hubby's not around. But it's always even better to have him around. :)

Anyway, I would highly recommend this book to all the parents out there. I shall write more on this later. ;)

Oh, the plane is about to landing. C ya!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone