Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Allah knows best

Salam,

Yes, as some of you might be aware of, I am no longer pregnant now. The fetus, our precious had gone. It's utterly painstaking & sad to accept the fate that Allah S.W.T had given to us. In fact, I'm still hoping that it was just a nightmare. I never thought this is coming in my motherhood journey.

It all started as a spot bleeding (brownish colour) since Thursday. But I didn't tell Hubby as I didnt want him to panic. I did all the reading and research and looks like spot bleeding is just a normal thing to happen to some pregnant women during the 1st trimester. We were still in Labuanon Thursday and came back to KK on Friday.

Then Saturday morning when I woke up, the spot bleeding was not just a spot anymore. So, I started to panic and feeling something bad is going to happen. Took my shower, did some more research from books n Internet. Then only I told Hubby and I still remember the look on his face. So we went to clinic but as you know on Saturday it's quite difficult to find a lady doctor. Thus, the only place available on that morning was KPJ Damai. I was quite nervous before meeting the Dr but deep inside I have prepared myself for the worst.

So, we met the Dr. He did scanning then he was requesting for the latest scanning photo that we had. Oh, my gut feeling was telling me he's about to deliver us a bad news. And yes he did. He said he was unable to see any baby inside although I was already on my 9th weeks. Baby development was not good and as I had my spot bleeding, it was still to early to tell that it's a miscarriage. So he advised to wait for another one more week and see how it goes from there. But he did mentioned to come to hospital if I'm having heavy bleeding.

I didn't cry in the Dr's room. But as soon as we walked out from the door, there goes all my tears and I knew that Hubby wanted to cry too, but he was holding it back to calm me down. And right after we came back from KPJ, I had more bleeding and just similar like period also blood clot coming out too. I guess I couldn't take the news, so maybe I was shocked terus je cam period. But yes, we took time to go the hospital coz I knew there nothing we can do about it.

After maghrib prayers, we went to Sabah Medical Centre A&E. The medical officer on duty said- 'Oh, I think the miscarriage/abortion is about to happen..' Then he called the gynae specialist and seek for his advise. They suggested me to be admitted and the gynae will do further check up later tonight.

After the gynae specialist Dr Krishen came, he did the internal scanning then he said - whatever inside has already came out. But I wasnt really listening and I asked again, what about the baby? He said - No more.

Oh sedihnyaa. It was heartbreaking. But, I didn't cry coz maybe I had already prepared myself mentally before we went to hospital. So then he explained that this is called abortion, where the baby did not develop due to kromosom, but amniotic sac is still developing as if you're pregnant. It was still a blood clot, with the right kromosom n DNA only the fetus will develop. Apparently now it's 30-40% of pregnancy experiencing this. So he said, it's has nothing to do with what you did - travel so much ke, keje berat ke. The baby wasn't there in the first place.

Dr said he will not do any procedure tonight coz just nak let it came out naturally. So he gave some medication. Tp that night, I was having a severe kind of period pain. I could hardly sleep and was crying the whole night. The next morning Dr did another ultrasound and looks like there was still a blood clot inside so he proposed to proceed with D&C.





Source from Google image

I had no clue whatsoever on this D&C. But thanks to google n you tube. Scary jugak tgk, but it was done within an hour and I was on full anesthetic. After it was done, alhamdulillah, no more pain. Just mcm rasa sengal2 badan sikit. But on the other hand, I think Dr Kr1sh3n is a good doctor indeed. He's friendly and funny. My husband thought that too. So maybe if ada rezeki in future we would like to refer to him. If its not because of this we will never know and mesti pergi to the same lady doctor again. So, ada mcm2 hikmah jugak sebenarnya bila dah jadi mcm ni..

I was given 2 weeks medical leave. From the Internet, they said kalau miscarriage lagi kena pantang lebih dari org bersalin, which I totally agree. Now I started feeling mcm sengal2 badan n bisa2 bila time sejuk. So I just follow the rule. My parents kt Mekah mmg risau betul, many times they reminded me suruh pantang makan n mcm2 lg.





All cooked by Hubby! Impressive!

Thanks to Hubby, he's taking care of me now. He did all the cooking by himself. I'm so glad and bersyukur dpt husband like him, he was my shoulder to cry on and my best friend too. Coz ada je my friend yg x reti nak jaga bini dlm pantang, boleh pergi jalan2 lagi.. Allah je yg dpt membalas jasa baik Hubby. I love him more and more each day.

So, that's the end of my story, sebagai Hamba Allah, we redha with what had happened and move on. Allah has a better plan for us, insyaAllah. Allah knows best, He's the great!

Naufal yg menceriakan kitaorg skrang. Everytime I look at him, all the pain seems to go away and at least kena bersyukur that Allah dah bagi Naufal, compared to other ppl yg xde anak lagi and had miscarriage few times. So,bila igt mcm tu je x jd nak sedih. Losing a baby is tragic no matter how early in pregnancy it happens.





Our cheeky Naufal

Oklah, pray for my speedy recovery, Amin. Thanks for your doa n prayers.

Wassalam.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

11 comments:

Ilya Syafeena said...

be strong, kak ima. Tuhan mmg akan menguji kesabaran hamba yg Dia sayang. akan ada berita gembira utk org yg sabar. mungkin belum rezeki la tu. have faith in Allah and believe that He will replace the baby with something more precious than u would ever imagine. maybe twin, who knows? ;)

~Mrs Fred~ said...

Angah,

TQ, hard to accept but insyaAllah, Allah knows best and has a better plan. Amin.

Twins? best jugak tu. hehe. TQ!!

rafaliah said...

Fizza, so SAD baca ni..siap berair2 mata aku tau..sedihnyaa..but nway, we haf to look at the bright side and ALWAYS sangka baik dgn ALLAH, whatever happened pasti ada hikmahNYA..(rasa cam nak g KK harini gak visit kau..)haf a good rest, jaga pemakanan, jaga diri yea..and last but not least spend more time wif ur loved ones..HE will rewards you soon..inshaALLAH.take care dear..:-)

~Mrs Fred~ said...

Lia,

apalagi aku yg menaip.. lagilah SAD.. huhu..

anyway, aku dah ok, slowly accepting the fact of what had happened. ala, ko lagi tau kan, Ive been through a lot like this (surgery & stuff). So bila jadi lagi mcm ni, aku cam sedih la.. tp ye lah, Allah nak uji kan.. Semoga terhapus dosa2 kecil n semoga bertambah iman kami lepas jadi mcm ni.. Amin..

Thanks ye!

sha said...

As for now, Naufal remain the king of the house,,hehe.
Allah knows best. Take care kak, jaga badan elok2! *hugs*

~ez~ said...

huhuhu..sedihnya. sure this is how my SIL rs bila jd mcmni.huhu...

take care akak.get well soon.insyaallah, ada hikmah disebalik ni. u re such a strong lady..ada lg rezeki adik tuk naufal pasni..ill pray for u..ameen :)

~Mrs Fred~ said...

Shaem,

Yes, remain as the sweetie cheeky boy for now.. Tp dia asyik ckp -got adik.. Got adik..

Ez,

Ha ah.. It's emotionally shocked when this happened. Oh ye ke, cian dia..xpe,dia still young..
Anyway thanks for the doa & prayers.

zurahimi muslim said...

Aku setuju semua yg ko tulis kat atas tu. alhamdulillah atleast kite dah ada anak nk compare dgn org yg tadekkan. Insyaallah nanti dpt lagi. And husband ko tu, dah tau dia pon pandai masak sebenarnyekannn. Ape kata tiap kali dia off, biar dia yg masak kwang2 :p

~Mrs Fred~ said...

Zura,

Tu je lah one thing yg buatkan kitaorg lg tabah, especially org2 yg pernah gone thru the worst thing tu pun member baik gak..(ko pun kenal..)..

So masa tu bersyukur sgt, tp tulah, Naufal dah terlebih manja..hehe.. Btw, husband aku dah lebih2 ni, nak suh ajar masak Kari, masak lomak.. Nak lawan sifu..hehe.. Ottomh camtu gak, nanti dia off lunch dia masak,, hehe.. Ada hikmah gak jadi benda2 camni.. Alhamdullilah..

jazzeyra aj said...

Salam pn,

just recently jumpa blog ni, since you said you were in Labuan, can you suggest any female gynae in Labuan either in clinics or hospital.

advise me n thank you

jazzeyra aj said...

Salam pn,

just recently jumpa blog ni, since you said you were in Labuan, can you suggest any female gynae in Labuan either in clinics or hospital.

advise me n thank you

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