As mentioned previously, I had my first review after the surgery with Dr Kr15h3n. He is really, a good and funny doctor.
So he confirmed through the ultrasound that the inside is clean already, nothing was left behind, alhamdulillah. However, he did suggest for us to come again after one month, just to double check. Before we started asking questions, he already explained and advised everything that we were about to ask. hihi.. That was exactly what I expected from a specialist. Not me asking a lot of questions.
Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking for the past few days. For now my heart is not thinking about office work anymore. In fact, I initially blamed my workload for what had happened. But after I did a lot of reading and research, miscarriage due to chromosome abnormalities is the most common reason. Knowing this, it sort of calm me down and I didn't feel that very much guilty anymore. I was blaming myself, stress of the workload and so on at first. Ok, true, things always happen for a reason and mmg ada hikmah yg besar which we never know for now. Allah is the greatest.
Nevertheless, I still have a strong feeling that the stress could be one of it. Since I knew I was pregnant, I was so overloaded with office work that sometimes I even feel like crying out loud. At one point, I just dont think I could handled the stress anymore. It was totally different with my 1st pregnancy, where I was very happy, calm and able to cope with workload - yalah, during that time I was still a junior, we have a boss and senior back then.
Now, its too much to handle. We are left with no manager for almost a year and even a senior staff in my section. My colleague, is now the acting manager (we are only 1 half years beza). Sometimes when he's not around, I have to act on behalf and time2 tu lah many things happened. I have 2 juniors under me, pastu keje2 diaorang yg tak siap pun I worried too much. So, dah jadi unnecessary stress for me. Yelah, boleh je biarkan junior tu - pandai2 lah nak hidup, but I'm not that type.
Thing will be different after this. I'll try to cope with the workload, pastu mana2 yg unnecessary stress tu malas nak fikir. I'm not trying to overstretch myself, I just wanna make sure that I will not be in the bottom list, at least.
Oklah, benda dah nak jadi, lesson learnt for me. Now, I am really looking forward for our next vacation!